Mad Woke Daily

A Virginia high school track meet turned into a cocoa butter circus, with relay runner Aleyla Everlee at the center of a sticky scandal that could land her in court.

During the 4×200, Everlee claimed her baton slipped from her hands—lathered in an excessive amount of cocoa butter to combat her pre-race ash— and “accidently” smashed into rival Kaylen Tuck’s skull, possibly fracturing it. Everlee insists it was an accident, and that she was also triggered when her competitor tried passing her, sparking Everlee’s primitive desire to smash and grab, turning a routine handoff into what looked like a loot-defending smackdown.

“It wasn’t my fault, it was the cocoa butter and my DNA– Ya’ll racist!” Everlee yelled as she bolted off, baton in hand like she’d just snatched a flat-screen from Target.

The Virginia High School League DQ’d her team quicker than a shoplifter dodging the police, but the real action’s just heating up. New reports suggest Everlee’s slip might reflect a trend, with looters nationwide blaming their crimes on over-moisturized hands, from routine Target raids to Corner-Store robberies, and all-out brawls in airports across America.

As a result, Everlee’s public defender is plotting a class-action lawsuit against cocoa butter giants, arguing their product is to blame for turning her into a baton-wielding bandit.

We sat down and interviewed the victim, Kaylen Tuck. Still reeling from the brutal attack, she muttered, “Ya’ll trippin, I ain’t sign up for no cocoa butter beatdown.”

Mad Woke Daily predicts a courtroom showdown, with Everlee as the unlikeliest plaintiff—and cocoa butter on trial. More details to come.