Mad Woke Daily

An uproar has surfaced in Washington as the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), led by Elon Musk and backed by Trump, starts slashing waste, fraud, and abuse—something politicians have yammered about for years.

Chuck Schumer, Elizabeth Warren, and Bernie Sanders, who’ve built careers on promising to clean up government, are now stomping their feet in a wild frenzy because DOGE swooped in and stole their cleanup crown—turns out, these self-proclaimed saviors aren’t exactly doing cartwheels when someone else snags the spotlight, especially if it messes with their re-election chances.

Mad Woke Daily crashed the scene to catch these folks in action, scampering around and plotting on how they can secure their next term. First we caught up with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, who was (as usual) doing his best Nosferatu impersonation—with a pasty face, slightly hunched posture, and a cape made of moth-eaten campaign promises. When asked about the new government agency, he hissed, “Listen here, folks, we’ve been preaching fiscal responsibility for decades just to win votes, but now DOGE is actually uncovering billions in shady spending—how dare they mess with our re-election campaign! Our brilliant strategy? Pile all the hate on Trump and Elon to distract from our crumbling party foundation. With no real platform to stand on, we’re banking on demonizing those two to keep our seats—because who needs policy when you’ve got a good villain to sink our fangs into?”

Next, we spotted Elizabeth Warren, decked out in a feathered headdress. When we asked her for an interview, she looked at us and screamed, “I’m the chief of savings!” She continued her ranting, “This is an outrage! Trump and Musk are stealing my spotlight—don’t they know I need to look good to keep my Senate seat? Back off, you fraud-busting freaks!”

Then there’s Bernie Sanders, incoherently screaming at a Trump action figure in his office, “Waste! Fraud! Abuse! Arghhh—I’ve been yelling about this for decades, and now these DOGE folks are doing it? How dare they ruin my re-election schtick! Gahhh, you stupid little Trump, tell your big self to stop!”

Economists are scratching their heads as DOGE uncovers millions in misspent funds, while these politicians flail around, clutching their egos. The Dems’ plan to hate their way to victory might just backfire if voters start asking why they didn’t fix this mess themselves. Mad Woke Daily can’t help but wonder if this will end with Schumer biting necks for votes—or Warren and Sanders tripping over their own headdresses and figurines in the next election.