A scramble is on as egg prices skyrocket, with the US dozen now averaging $4.90 thanks to experts suddenly crowing about their tremendous health benefits. After decades of demonizing yolks as cholesterol bombs, science has flipped the script, revealing eggs pack a punch with protein, vitamins, and muscle-building magic. Mad Woke Daily pounded the pavement to unearth some egg-citing, shell-shattering interviews.
First up, meet Justin “Eggzilla” Gregis, 41, a former self-proclaimed twig who transformed into a jacked gym god by chugging a dozen eggs daily.
“Bro, I was a noodle—couldn’t lift a feather!” Justin laughs, flexing biceps that could crack walnuts. “Now I’m benching 300, all thanks to egg yolks and a killer playlist. My gains are so epic, my mom thinks I’m smuggling Tren!”
He credits his bulk to skipping the gym’s overpriced shakes and chugging eggs instead, proving you can go from scrawny to swole on a budget—well, until the price hike.
Then we cornered a shadowy DHS insider, “Agent Anonymous,” who spilled some dark secrets.
“We can’t have these people getting strong and staying healthy! We need to pump them into the Big Pharma machine, keep shoving processed garbage, aspartame, glyphosate, and corn syrups down their throats,” he muttered, glancing over his shoulder. “Healthy folks don’t need pills—bad for business… Very bad!”
Nutritionists argue eggs’ choline boosts brain power and lutein saves your eyes, turning breakfast into a superpower meal. Yet, with price volatility shifting quicker than a rooster chasing the sunrise, some wonder if Big Ag is cashing in on the hype.
Mad Woke Daily can’t help but chuckle; it seems we’ll be joining the masses, forking over more for eggs to get jacked, while the suits scheme to keep us flabby.
Mad Woke Daily 
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