Mad Woke Daily

New female account enrollment on Only Fans has officially overtaken new female enrollment for colleges, according to the latest national study. It seems young women are discovering that being a whore is far more lucrative than slaving away for a degree.

Colleges across America face a record-low enrollment crisis, with recent data from the National Student Clearinghouse showing a 5% drop in undergraduate enrollment this fall compared to pre-pandemic levels. Amidst a stronger pull toward trade schools and the internet, the desire for a four-year degree has lost its luster faster than a plummeting freshman GPA. Mad Woke Daily hit the scene to chat with recent high school grads and current college students about this shift.

First, we nabbed Jake Thompson, 18, a recent grad who scoffed at college. “Why would I waste my prime earning years learning gender studies from blue-haired liberals who can’t even change a tire?” he sneered, flexing his mechanics wrench. “I don’t wanna spend the next 6 years PAYING for college, only to be 28 still in an entry-level desk job at $30K; I’m 18 and can pull $80K as a mechanic by next year—boom, cars fixed, cash stacked!”

Next up, 19-year-old Sasha “VelvetVixen” Monroe who ditched college last year for OnlyFans stardom. “It’s way easier to cram random items inside of my body on camera than cram for some pointless exam about, like, stuff no one cares about,” she quipped, winking at her webcam setup. “I’m a pro now—making bank while my friends are broke and buried in textbooks.”

Then we caught Tyler Evans, 20, a college sophomore who’s dropping out after a wild ride. “I went to college, turned gay, and now I’m transitioning back to a real man,” he said, tossing his sociology textbook in the trash. “I’m done with lectures—I’d rather use my hands as a carpenter, build something real, leave the rainbow behind, and find my manhood through hard work; I’m engaged to a woman and getting married this summer now and I thank hard work for making me straight again.”

Finally, 21-year-old Leah “Toe-Queen” Carter, a former college freshman, laughed at the idea of returning. “I sell pics of my feet on OnlyFans and rake in 200K a year,” she bragged, wiggling her (gorgeous) toes. “Why spend 200K at my local college when I can make that without ever leaving my bedroom?”

With trade schools offering solid pay and OnlyFans promising quick cash, college dreams are depleting faster than a frat house keg. Mad Woke Daily can’t help but smirk; the ivory tower’s getting swapped for tool belts, toe pics, and a whole lotta skin—guess the diploma’s just a pricey wall decoration now.