New details have unraveled in Hunter Biden’s trip to South Africa with 18 Secret Service agents. Fresh revelations unveils a cesspool of degeneracy that has President Trump now utterly confused.
During a Kennedy Center press conference yesterday, Trump stated, “I would say if there are 18 with Hunter Biden, that will be something I’ll look at this afternoon. I just heard about it for the first time.”
Sources confirm Hunter flew to South Africa in a euphoric frenzy to chase hard drugs, with local pimp networks overseas ready to set him up with dozens of underage girls in a four-day sex-and-drug-fueled bender.
Former President Joe Biden reportedly pleaded with the Secret Service, warning that without a heavy detail, Hunter would die due to his complete inability to control himself, forcing agents to endure a grueling marathon to keep him alive.
Mad Woke Daily tracked down three agents for the unfiltered scoop. Agent Mike, 36, groaned, “It was the hardest four days of my life—four days of pure chaos, I’m done. I quit.” Agent Greg, 33, recounted, “We almost lost one; Hunter was high, nude, fully erect, about to blast a d*ck pic onto his social media when Agent Smith dove in, snatching the phone from his hand like he was blocking a live bullet—he saved the day, but I’m still shaking.” Agent Dan, 40, shared a wild tale, “Hunter tried to trade his Rolex for a live goat at 3 AM, claiming he needed a ‘new friend’ to party with—took us an hour to wrestle him away from the street vendor. His strength was super-human!”
Another story making the rounds: Hunter, in a drugged haze, darted about skittishly through a Cape Town casino, wild-eyed and gazing around, completely nude and erect, shouting, “WHO WANTS TO TOUCH IT?” before casino security tackled him and escorted him out.
President Trump, now in the know, gave Mad Woke Daily an exclusive phone interview at 03:00 PM EDT today. “I feel for my agents, folks, they’re the best, but this Hunter guy’s a disaster—can’t be trusted for a minute! I’m sending 15 more next time, gotta support my team—several have resigned over this, so sad!”
The internet is buzzing with cover-up theories, but with agents burned out, Hunter’s next round of antics might unleash even more unhinged chaos.
Mad Woke Daily 
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