Mad Woke Daily

Mad Woke Daily has the exclusive story on NASA’s so-called rescue of two astronauts stranded for 259 days, eight months longer than planned, after Boeing’s Starliner capsule flopped in June 2024.

NASA claims Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams were stuck on the International Space Station until SpaceX swooped in on March 17, 2025. The official story is that thruster glitches and helium leaks kept them stuck in space, but Mad Woke Daily has inside information that makes those claims speculative at best.

According to first-hand accounts, these two weren’t floating in a tin can. They were holed up in a Hollywood studio, enjoying it too much, and refused to leave their comfortable situation. NASA was forced to stage the whole “rescue” to dodge a major scandal.

Sources close to the matter say Wilmore and Williams lived it up. Days filled with slamming dozens of Bud Heavys, binging on cheese doodles, microwavable bean burritos, and (as an insider claims) an “extreme amount of cocaine”, kept them so content they were unwilling to leave. All this unfolded in a Hollywood studio, where they dangled from wires to fake “Zero-G” while NASA pushed its latest “exploration”. The “malfunction” was only scripted to buy some time, but a fed-up crew member, tired of playing butler, blew the whistle.

The insider says instead of letting their fake heroes “perish” and face real questions, NASA cooked up a dramatic save. Enter SpaceX, playing knight in shining armor to keep the ruse alive.

We tracked down voices close to the chaos. Tommy Ruiz, a gaffer who worked the studio lighting, scoffed, “Everyone’s gonna know this is fake, man! I can’t keep lying about this type of stuff. NASA claims a rocket reached them in time? Like space is a quick AAA pickup?! If it were real, that’d take months, not some instant snap fix, man.”

Next, Lila Carter, a props runner on the set, tore into the footage. “The camera caught their ‘emotional landing’ perfectly,” she said. “They stepped out fresh as daisies after months ‘up there.’ They had me rigging props for that shoot, and I thought it was ridiculous: floating pens, fake moon dust, the works. I’ve seen better CGI in a clearance-rack video game. Only a sucker buys this crap.”

Mad Woke Daily tracked down the two alleged astronauts and cornered Wilmore and Williams with tough questions after they evaded us for days.

Once gray-haired at launch, Williams flaunted sleek, dark locks. When asked about her new look, she responded, “My hair?” Williams stammered, eyes darting as she fumbled for words. “It didn’t get dyed; uh, space must reverse the aging process. That’s it, yeah, totally natural. Reverses the aging process.”

Slimmer eight months back, Wilmore looked plumper than ever. When asked about how someone can possibly gain weight after being captive in space for 8 months, Wilmore, trying to hide his gut, nervously grinned, “Yeah, uh, months of no real food really piled on the pounds. I guess it’s, uh, cosmic fumes, stardust, galactic nano-particulates. You wouldn’t understand.”

After those comments, both Wilmore and Williams scurried off, offering no further comment.

So, let’s tally our findings: flawless hair, chubbier “survivors,” a spotless “capsule” after 8 long months. NASA and SpaceX are peddling a fairy tale, but Mad Woke Daily cuts through the haze. Was this a cover-up for a basement bender? No one knows yet, but one thing’s certain: we’re digging deeper.