Mad Woke Daily

Former Governor Andrew Cuomo was spotted lurking around Albany this week, promoting his new self-help tour: “From Nursing Homes to Redemption: How to Win Friends and Blame Everyone Else!” It seems as if Cuomo is pivoting from his days of COVID pressers and sexual harassment to life-coaching seminars for fallen politicians.

Cuomo’s latest efforts to win back relevancy kicked off after his March 19, 2025, Albany sighting, where he’s reportedly charging $500 a pop for small-group sessions, or three creepy hugs for 1-on-1 sessions. “I’m the best life coach. Nobody coaches better than me,” Cuomo said, flexing his pecs with pierced nipples in front of a mirror while clutching an Emmy he refuses to return. The irony, however, is more painful than his pandemic memoir sales: the man who dodged nursing home death counts now wants to teach ethics to the likes of Anthony Weiner and Rob Ford.

Upstate conservatives showed up just to heckle him with “Where’s the nursing home data?” signs.

“I paid to watch him squirm,” said Joe Tanner, a 42-year-old Syracuse trucker, grinning outside the seminar. “He tried that ‘I’m a victim’ bit, but we drowned him out with boos. Best $500 I ever spent.” Attendees say Cuomo’s tips include “always blame the feds” and “keep a straight face while hugging strangers.”

We cornered Albany lobbyist Dana Kline, who caught his pitch. “He’s selling redemption like it’s a used car,” she said. “He was showing everyone his nipple rings, claiming he’s ‘rebuilt stronger.’ I’d rather take advice from a raccoon in a dumpster.” Conservatives are eating it up, calling it the ultimate liberal self-own; a washed-up Dem profiting off his own disgrace while Trump’s crew laughs from D.C.

So, let’s break it down: Cuomo’s coaching the corrupt, and his ego’s the real champ. Is this his comeback or just a cash grab? We’re watching. Stay woke.