Mad Woke Daily

Minnesota Governor Tim Walz is busy cackling over Tesla’s stock slide that he’s blind to his own stock declining within the Democratic Party.

Walz, still salty from his VP flop, joked at a Wisconsin town hall on March 18, 2025, “On the iPhone, they’ve got that little stock app. I added Tesla to it to give me a little boost during the day,” grinning as he flashed his phone showing Tesla’s 41.4% year-to-date drop. He even told Tesla owners to “take dental floss and pull the logo off,” poking Elon Musk and shareholders, like Minnesota’s pension funds, down $300 million on 1.6 million shares.

But here’s the kicker: while he’s dunking on Musk, Walz’s own stock with Dems is in complete freefall. Party insiders whisper he’s yesterday’s news. We cornered Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez outside a Brooklyn deli. “Tim’s just getting kind of cringe,” she said, rolling her eyes. “He’s out here chasing clout off Tesla’s tumble, but it’s like, dude, read the room—your vibe’s off.”

Then there’s Senator Cory Booker of New Jersey, “He does this weird thing with his hands when he says hi to you,” Booker told us, mimicking a rigid wave. “Looks like a gay teddy bear trying to hail a cab. It’s unsettling.” Booker wasn’t alone. At a private D.C. party last week, Walz, decked out in a skin tight gold jumpsuit with a poop-shoot, reportedly busted out a series of moves—jazz hands flailing over his head, locking eyes with strangers, hips shaking like a malfunctioning Roomba. “It was real weird,” said Senator Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota, shuddering. “He danced for the entire 3 hour event. He stared me down at one point, mid-shimmy. I needed a shower after.”

Dems are distancing fast. AOC’s camp says she’s dodging his calls, Booker is running for his next term without him, and Klobuchar is “too busy” for his invites. Walz is fudding Tesla into the ground, oblivious that his own party’s dumping shares. Is this his final dance? We’re watching. Stay woke.