Mad Woke Daily

Disney’s latest disaster, Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs, now being tagged “Snow-Off-White and the 7 CGI Abominations”, belly-flopped harder than a lead balloon at the box office this week, proving even Rachel Zegler’s sanctimonious smirk can’t save a $200-million snooze-fest. Mad Woke Daily caught the wreckage in real time: the Latina-led reboot, dubbed “Snow Off-White” by cynics, tanked so bad it’s already the punchline of 2025.

Word is, Zegler strutted up to the prop mirror during filming, fawning over herself, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” The crew swears it spoke back, “The original Snow White, obviously. You have more back hair than most men,” leaving onlookers stunned and her woke fairy tale dead on arrival. Disney’s DEI overhaul swapped iconic cartoon dwarves for poorly done CGI, and a fairytale for a lecture. Audiences bailed out faster than you can say “Heigh-Ho.”

We hit the streets outside a Chicago theater on opening night; big city, big expectations, right? Nope. Four lonely souls shuffled in, outdone by the film operator and the janitor crew. “Easiest shift ever,” said Mike D’Angelo, a 50-year-old janitor, kicking back with a broom. “No gum under seats, soda spills, Raisinets everywhere, no popcorn to sweep—just me and the echoes.”

Patrons weren’t much livelier. “I thought it’d be edgy,” muttered Kyle Reese, a 29-year-old barista who dragged three buddies along. “But it’s just preachy garbage. I can’t believe that the 2025 Snow-White got owned by a 1937 cartoon. I can’t believe I spent $30 for this. I’d rather watch paint dry.” His crew nodded, one muttering, “I’ve seen better graphics in 1998 off my PS-1 games.” and another saying, “I’d rather eat a poison apple than watch that again.”

Disney’s execs are scrambling, blaming “toxic fans” for the flop, but most see it as poetic justice. “They torched a classic for this trash,” said Tina Marrow, a 35-year-old mom and her 2 kids we nabbed exiting early, like she was running from a burning building. “I couldn’t take it anymore. We’re going home to watch the original on our TV.” The internet is buzzing with memes: Zegler’s remake’s a $200-million middle finger to Walt, and no one’s buying tickets.

Empty seats, a smug star, and a whole lot of money down the drain for Disney. Is this Disney’s woke wake-up call? Let’s see what unfolds. Stay woke.