Mad Woke Daily

In a strange twist of events, NASA’s tapping Sean “P. Diddy” Combs as their newest astronaut captain, with NASA’s upper brass claiming, “He’s the greatest explorer of black holes we’ve ever seen.” Mad Woke Daily received this gem straight from the Kennedy Space Center this week, and yeah, NASA was specific when they mean those black holes—space and otherwise. Diddy’s epic buzz regarding wild party and baby oil tales had everyone talking, and now NASA is listening.

Diddy strutted into our exclusive interview in a gold spacesuit and dropped this gangsta gem to us: “Yo, I’m the king of holes, fam! Been navigatin’ the darkest voids since ’98, ain’t no singularity I can’t conquer with my crew and a beat.” Sources say his “expertise” comes from years of hosting infamous bashes, where he fearlessly plunged into uncharted territory, often lubricated by gallons of baby oil.

NASA scientist Dr. Lenora Jax told us, “Diddy’s got an instinct for black holes we can’t teach, gravitational or, uh, personal. His approach is a little unorthodox, but he’s literally amazing.” She swears his next gig’s captaining NASA’s latest spaceship, the X-69, a sleek craft, drenched in baby oil, is set to probe the Milky Way’s deepest core. Thing is, the craft’s design—towering, jet-black, and phallic as a spaceship can be—has people cackling about its “eerie resemblance” to a giant black… Well, you know…

We nabbed an anonymous partygoer from one of Diddy’s legendary freak-offs. “I’ve seen his work up close, man,” they whispered, eyes wide. “Incredible. Guy’s got no fear. He’s agile. Fast. Slides into holes with a grin, baby oil dripping like rocket fuel. NASA’s lucky to have him.” Opinions are split: some call it peak DEI nonsense; others salute Diddy for smashing walls between astrophysics and rap, paving the way for a new wave of rappers turned cosmic trailblazers.

Diddy’s now trading his birthday suit for flight suits, and his ship’s a giant black dong ready to penetrate the cosmos. Is this NASA’s boldest leap or a PR stunt gone rogue? We’re watching. Stay woke.