Mad Woke Daily

In a plot twisted up more than a French braid, Emmanuel Macron just confessed to plotting Candace Owens’ assassination over her Brigitte transgender bombshells, then doubled down with the most unconvincing denials ever concocted.

“Look, I authorized the GIGN hit squad, elite killers, top-tier stuff, but Brigitte?.. I swear, err,  Candice was NOT over the target on this one…” Macron stammered at a frantic Élysée presser this week. “Yeah, I tried to have her killed… but I swear Brigitte doesn’t have a d*ck. It has nothing to do with that.”

Mad Woke Daily’s got the receipts: Candice Owens dropped her “Brigitte’s a Man” proof in February 2025, and by July, Macron and Brigitte slapped her with a Delaware defamation suit worth millions. But Owens fired back on social media, claiming a “high-ranking French mole” tipped her off to the kill order, funded by Macron himself, using the same GIGN unit that stormed Bataclan.The irony is richer than a French pastry and Mad Woke Daily has to ask- If Brigitte’s just a normal first lady, why greenlight a state-sponsored whack job on a U.S. podcaster? 

Owens, unfazed, hit social media from her bunker: “They sue me, threaten me, but can’t deny the mirror doesn’t lie. Macron’s overreaction proves I’m right, Brigitte’s packing more than croissants.” Conservatives are howling: Trump’s even looped in, allegedly calling Owens in February to “chill on the Macron tranny talk”, but now he’s retweeting her with fire emojis.

One popular Owens supporter, MAGA4LYFE quipped on social media. “French intel’s got better clout than even their wine! Owens is bulletproof,” 

We cornered Paris insider Pierre Duval, a GIGN whistleblower. “Emmanuel’s furious! Macron claims Owens is poisoning the narrative, and he is mad now all of the world knows he is gay with his 70 year old dad.” Duval adds, “Still, the threat on her was real! Drones over Owens’ Tennessee ranch in March 2025. That’s no Joke!” Duval chuckled: “If she’s wrong, why the panic? It’s like denying the Eiffel Tower’s phallic while hiding the blueprints.”

The French Government remains mum, but social media is exploding: #MacronHitSquad trends with memes of Brigitte as a Bond villain. 

Owens’ podcast series? Up 300% in views since the leak. So, let’s break it down: Macron’s kill plot flops harder than his 2024 EU push, and all of this to swat a conspiracy fly… If Brigitte’s innocent, why the hit list? We’re digging. Stay woke.